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In spite of this era of enlightenment, we seem to want to mechanize everything. We observe success and feel that it needs to be qualified, quantified, dissected, reproduced and then franchised. This is not only true in the world of business, but also in behavioral and interaction skills. I remember when the two-handed handshake became popular It was observed that a gentle but firm handshake, followed with the other hand grasping the wrist conveyed a sense of genuine warmth and sincerity. This double-handed shake was soon implemented by sales reps and business people. The problem, of course, is that when something becomes mechanized, it often lacks the soul and sincerity of its intended or original purpose. People who have been trained in the skills of communication have been taught something called reflective listening. Originally, this tool of repeating back to a person what they have said was intended to help you, the listener, better understand what you were being told. While at the same time reassuring the person that you truly understand them. Of course, these days I am highly suspicious when someone repeats to me "Let me see if I understand what you are saying . . ."

I guess what I am saying is that what we must strive for is authenticity. Certainly, the double-handed shake is fine if it is spontaneous and from the heart. And seeking first to understand a person, before you try to get your point across is important. Any "technique or tool" that is used to manipulate is just manipulation. This is not to say that manipulation is not sometimes necessary. I have often given my children the choice of going to bed right now or after they get a drink of water and have a story. The key to remember is authenticity. No artificial flavors. No added sweeteners. Just 100 percent genuine authenticity.

When we talk of being a good listener, we imagine someone who is patient, empathetic, kind and understanding. Someone who really strives to see you for who you really are, cutting through the façade and dramatic emotions. But what of listening to yourself? How many of us are truly skilled at listening to that quiet inner voice? Well, before we go down that meditative, serene contemplative path, let's deal with the not so quiet voice. The voice that screams, whines, nags and complains. The voice that is often unrelenting and ever present. That voice of your body better known as symptoms.

The first thing you need to understand about symptoms is that they are not bad. The world of medicine and drugs would have you believe that symptoms are the enemy and must be silenced. Our medical system teaches us that we must control, with drugs, the symptoms of pain, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety, etc. However, their approach neglects the fact that symptoms are the only way your body can communicate with you. And in fact, symptoms are a gift. Pain is a gift. They are the way the body communicates that something is wrong. Taking medications for every symptom stops the crucial dialog of the body and the mind. When symptoms are silenced the problem may not go away, but often burrows deeper. Does this mean that drugs are never necessary? Of course not, but it does mean that symptom-relieving drugs used for the management of chronic symptoms without addressing the true cause of the problem is probably not the best solution.

Look at the example of the pearl and the oyster. An oyster begins to develop a pearl as a result of an accidental intruder - such as a grain of sand. To defend itself against this irritant, the oyster excretes a thin film of a substance called nacre around the sand. This smoothes over the rough edges. As time passes this nacre secreted again and again form onion-like layers over the sand. These layers are semi-opaque and consist of calcium carbonate, which makes the pearl. If the pearl stayed within the oyster and continued to grow for too long, the oyster would die.

The same holds true for symptoms. Experiences that are painful or challenging are like the particle of sand. This first, often subtle, symptom of pain or uneasiness is often the point that we disconnect emotionally from what we are feeling. We may begin to create layers defending ourselves from the painful emotion or experience. The longer we stay disconnected from our emotions, the more layers form around that original event, just like in the pearl. Symptoms start to grow, like a pearl, when they are ignored. It may begin as an uncomfortable thought, feeling or belief that keeps creating layer after layer until it is removed. By internalizing, denying or disconnecting from a symptom, it has the potential to develop so many layers that it destroys the body.

Embracing uncomfortable emotions - your pearls - enhances the health of your spirit and body and opens your life to love. There is a reason for every experience you encounter. Your challenge in life is to embrace whatever comes your way. Life is painful and challenging. It is by opening up to the pain and challenges with gratitude that you can choose to not suffer. Being grateful is an act of courage and trust that will literally change the molecular structure of the water molecules in your body and repeated proven through modern science (Dr. Emoto's research with water crystals). Denying and suppressing emotions will bring harm and suffering to both body and soul.

In a remarkable book by Karol Truman, entitled Feeling Buried Alive Never Die . . ., she chronicles how unresolved emotions are at the root of most of our ills and suffering. She points out how various unresolved emotions will affect different parts of the body. This work is further elaborated in Dr. Darren Weissman's book The Power of Infinite Love & Gratitude. He outlines emotional connections as they relate to specific types of tissue in the body. For example:

Muscle: These are areas where you store past memories; conflicts; experiences; feelings, including repressed fears, anxieties and guilt; and your levels of self-worth, self-esteem, joy and vibrancy.

Joints: joints are the connection between thoughts, feeling, movement and action. Joints are the source of stability and balance in the body. Being rigid and inflexible often leads to arthritis.

Organs: These are the storehouses for thoughts, feelings and beliefs. For example, the liver is associated with anger, the kidney and bladder with fear and the lungs with grief and sadness.

The Nervous System: many symptoms such as numbness (implies withdrawal of feelings) and nerve pain (holding on too tight and need to let go).

Truman outlines in her book possible emotional connections to specific health problems such as Canker Sores being associate with unresolved negativity, overwork coupled with emotional stress and being anxious over details. Being overweight, she teaches to be tied with feelings of insecurity, self-rejection and wanting to protect the body. As well as needing and seeking love & fulfillment.

When I was first introduced to the concept of emotions being the roots to our physical ailments, I rolled my eyes and thought "Oh brother, that is way too touchie-feelie" But as I have matured (and after reading gobs of books and scientific literature), I have come to realize that this concept is true. While life is truly painful and challenging, it is also loving and nurturing. We can be gently guided and nudged in the right direction, if we are willing to listen to subtle internal guidance. Or dragged kicking and screaming with shrieks of pain, whining, nagging and complaining (metaphorically speaking, of course) to learn our lessons. I have come to learn that we are constantly given direction. The forcefulness of the direction will depend of how well we listen.

Years ago I became a big fan of Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Among other things he taught that we must "educate and obey your conscience". What this means is to listen to that inner voice and follow it. Our conscience or spirit is always communicating to us. Most often through our feelings. By checking in and following our inner light, we will be guided to make the right choices. The more we become accustomed to following, the more clearly we hear and can differentiate between that true voice and our anxieties and fears. While following the prompting that come from within seems like easy advise, I promise that this path of living in "present-time-consciousness" is tough. It will strip away false notions of yourself and direct you down paths that are uncomfortable. But this path is the road of self-discovery, as well as the road of service, unselfishness and happiness. This is no other way.

Each of us can perceive insincerity in another through a handshake or various communication techniques. Are you skilled enough to see through the insincerity you speak to yourself? We must learn to listen to ourselves. The path you trod is unique to only you. There is no single road to health or enlightenment. But there is a single method. That method is to listen. Listen and follow. As you approach your health and your symptoms ask yourself repeatedly - "What should I do?" Then listen. Should you be eating a healthier diet? Do you need to be drinking more pure water? What about exercise? Do you have any unfinished emotional business? Who can you forgive in your life? Remember that your life is a journey. You do not have to achieve brilliance or perfection next week. You just need to get on the path and LISTEN.

~ Dr. Kyle D. Christensen ~